Well, the ape's going to stand around for three hours or so.
"If we can get him alive, we can put him on Broadway! Dead, we'll sell monkey stew to the Army!"
"Mmmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey."
"Pass me some thorax."
The above is a condensed version of an alternate plot for the new King Kong movie... Big Ape Butchered for Boys Battling in Barracks. Aside from great headlines like that, the new plot could give audiences something else: A change! Sure Peter Jackson did a phenomenal job with this faithful remake (I can only guess from the previews and media attention), but let us, for a moment, think about what was actually accomplished:
Before we had: Old movie
Now we have: Old movie w/ special effects (CGI, surround sound, color film)
Sound familiar? I seem to remember about three wars happening in space with aliens and Jedi Knights. I also remember those same wars taking place around the late 90s with a couple more creatures in the background. Eye candy? Yes. Something new? No.
Now I know this is a pretty glib comparison, as Jackson's King Kong is actually an entirely different movie. But it is still a remake... a remake that "stays true to the original." --which, of course, means "has no creative difference, and thus made it much easier for the director." All he had to do was focus on the details, which pretty much consisted of:
"Hey special effects team, remake this scene with special effects."
"You got it boss."
You see, when the larger idea or concept for a movie is handed to us, all we have to do, as the producer/director, is contract it out to each of the sub-levels. That's what irks me about all these 'new' movies. Rarely can a recent, successful movie be anything other than:
- A remake of a Book/Comic book/Old movie/TV show
- Based on a true story.
- A sequel
Some even fall under two of these categories: Spider Man 2, the Harry Potter Movies, etc. What was the last truly original movie? One that comes to mind is Team America. While not a spectacular movie, it gets an A+ for originality: A team of Americans enforcing America's laws around the world... and done with Puppets, no less! Why can't we think of more concepts like this? I think producers just don't want to take chances on new, 'risky' ideas. Spineless cowards.
By the way, one could say, "Oh, but why not watch independent or foreign movies made by artistic people?" First of all, I don't feel like researching theaters that carry these films, and second of all, to quote South Park, "They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding."
