Someone else! Someone else!

Time to write whatever comes to my mind, because I need to. The title of this post just came to mind for some reason. I really don't know why but it seemed apt. Apt to what, you ask? No idea.

Mmmm sweet sweet coffee: Giver of life. I have two desk calendars staring at me right now. They are positioned on each side of my PC like speakers blaring the date with constant intensity. JANUARY 18! They say. Both have tidbits of information from popular media conduits. By having two, I hope to strengthen the probability of hilarity. On any given day, I have twice the chance of laughing. What a time to be alive.

I heard an interesting fact from The Ricky Gervais Show yesterday. Apparently the first nudist colony was started in 1925 by three men. Stephen Merchant hypothesized that this was all a ploy to recruit naked women. I have a much more comprehensive theory...

These three guys actually started this "nudist colony" as a club for gay men. The 1920s did not look kindly upon homosexuality, so they took it upon themselves to create a sanctuary of sodomy. Confident that their nudity facade would keep the general public distant, they were on top of the world... Or so they thought.

During the 70s, the feminist movement was gathering momentum. Rights were equaled, and exclusive, all-male clubs were becoming less exclusive. The little-known nudists were now taking the brunt of this attack on men. While it was not well-publicized, women demanded with great fervor to be accepted into this club. To which the nudists replied, "No, you don't want to be doing that..."

But the women would not listen.

"Equal rights!" they cried!
"I am a woman. Hear me bare!"
"Let us in, you chauvinist pigs!"

...

"No you really don't want that."

But their high-pitched screams were heard all across the country. Each day they gained more and more supporters. So with the pressure mounting and defenses growing weak, the men had no choice but to succumb to the their wishes. Women could now be naked.

Of course, they soon found out about the horrible truth (not really horrible). And from this knowledge they let sleeping dogs lie, and decided to recant their protest.... Wrong! In order to avoid embarrassment, the women remained members and kept quiet about the whole operation. They could not bare to face the throngs of feminists who had given support to their cause. This is why man-love clubs have been kept under wraps for all these years. Yes, these women had to witness orgies of gay men engaged in hardcore sex acts, but that was the price they paid.

Women remain prevalent in these colonies today. Each one is inducted into this web of secrecy for, what they call, "the greater good." Who knows... Maybe someday, someone will speak out and leak this information to the press.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take off my clothes.

A roundhouse kick to the face

events

I don't know if this link will be at all timeless, but Chuck Norris, ...you are a class act!

Here's what he is referring to.

Chicago Tribune | Howard Stern: uncensored, uninteresting

Chicago Tribune Howard Stern: uncensored, uninteresting

I had a hunch...

I can't say I 'm a longtime fan of Stern but I listened to him in high school and for the past six months--pre-satellite move. I must say, I was a fan.

He had the only morning radio show worth distracting me from the road. It was real, raw and rather encompassing. I'd often sit in my car in the company parking lot, listening to the end of a rant or conversation. It brought me back to my days on my high school cross-country team. Everyday I'd be around the same group of people who could spout off about anything they wanted. Young and immature, we answered to no one. That's the way Howard was. Other DJs were more like class presidents: attempting to appease both the student body and the administration, often having more success with the latter. I always got the impression they were giving us what they thought we wanted to hear... which of course never works.

Notice the unwavering use of the past tense in the above paragraph. Now that Stern is broadcasting from satellite, he is no longer broadcasting from my radio. While this may seem like a let-down, I'm fairly unmoved.

Rules are meant to be broken, and Howard just about ran the gamut. So with the radio-waves exhausted, satellite seemed like the new, untamed frontier. Except this frontier is a vast wasteland with very few settlers. Sure you can throw some rocks and kick a few tumbleweeds, but in the end, will you receive more than a glance?
...I don't feel like tying this analogy back to the topic at hand.


PS. This was probably only a test of the "BlogThis" feature from Google.

Wave of the Future

Well here it is. I've just transcribed the entire works of Stuff and Stuff and thusly created Stuff and Stuff 2.0. I've risked losing my employment as well as a fair amount of sanity, but it's done. Here's a link to where all this stuff used to be until I pulled out my shine-rag, polished it off and sent it to a new home.

This just marks another victory for progress though. Livejournal is a graveyard, and you are now reading one of its zombie corpses. Just like the rips in your jeans and the ipod in your pocket, you gotta keep up. No, this world just wasn't meant for lazy people like me. Luckily, I had a rare stroke of productivity today.

...Now to hopefully channel it into software development.