Cavernous Notions

If a friend of mine ever buys a Mustang, I'm going to call him "Mustang Sally"... only to show my envy.

I bet most of celebrity blindness is caused by confusing the sun for a spotlight.

Whenever I hear someone running up behind me, I think, "well, this is it!" But after I see the jogger pass by, I wish him well.

Geese are the ninjas of the ornithological world.

Since cab drivers can pick up both men and women, does that make them bisexual?

"Let them eat cake" is the tastiest famous quotation.

A human head on a spike is just a failed attempt at a totem pole.

A pile of dead bunnies is pretty sad... but it's not the saddest thing.

I would become a sailor only for the nautical metaphors.

If I were to submit a painting of mine to a museum, I would first cut it up into a jigsaw puzzle... just to make them work for my inspiration.